So many paths to take, but the journey is always the same...
Truth Doesn't Make a Noise - The White Stripes
"I don't... understand..." he pleaded quietly.
"It's not up to you" she replied, her voice emotionless as she stared across the room at nothing in particular.
"Then who's decision is this!" He stood up pushing the chair away angrily as he moved to the window. The frustration of not having a clear answer mingled with confusion until he couldn't take it anymore. For him the choice was obvious, last night made it so, and her refusal to see that was distressing. He turned around suprised to see she was looking at him at last.
"I can't just stand by and watch you kill yourself! Why won't you listen to me Sophie?" He stepped towards the bed gripping her hand in his, her attempt to jerk it away devastating his already spiralling emotions and forcing him to hold back the words he needed to say to convince her. To prove to her there were better things than living in a hole with a gang of destitutes. Her reaction to his touch just as he was about to admit the feelings he had always entertained were possible left him with only anguish and dispair.
She had become a stranger, and he couldn't help but dwell on the distance that spread between them. The depressing realisation that she had surrendered any chance they had together, and expected him to sacrifice the same only made him want to cling to the few memories he had left. When there had been no need for constant bravado and they could relax from the struggle to survive; they could pretend they were happy. For him that had been better than nothing, but now she wasn't pretending.
Solemly he looked away, a small part of him in denial, still believing that for as long as he held her hand he could take her away from here and keep her safe. But apparently that wasn't up to him.
His body screamed in protest as he let her hand fall from his and moved to the door. The hopsital corridor seemed to mock the bleakness that was now consuming him, as if the raw ache that rose inside of him was not as real as the wounds that existed there. As if nothing he felt even mattered.
Suddenly she stiffened, her indifference seemingly distorted by the emotions he was failing to control.
"I can't just walk away from this Blazor" she said venemously, each word painful in its reality. "And it's time you saw that neither can you". She sat glaring at him, daring him to deny it and attest to his ignorance.
For a minute he stood there, completely drained.
"It was nice seeing ya Espy". There was nothing left to say.
Consequences always come after.