Jul 12, 2012

A Reckoning

Five Sentence Fiction
Composure





Shivering from the bitter chill she pushed the dirty blonde hair from her face and pressed against the grainy plaster of the nearest building.  Breathing the heavy air deeply she receded into the tempest, focusing on the indomitable rainfall as it collided against every surface, hurtling from the heavens to shatter on the fractured concrete until a mounting torrent forged its escape along the road.  Georgia lingered beneath the evolving tributaries, sheer rainwater spiralling in rebellion as it cascaded down the degenerating constructions, a revolution of ice against the insurmountable ire smouldering in her heart.

Her gaze intently sought silhouettes beyond the obscuring veil of the storm while she edged along the sloping laneway, oblivious to the tumbling currents surging amidst her ankles or the violent shivers assailing her, a tinge of indigo creeping into her lips.

The faint scent of peppermint oil jolted her senses, the unmistakable fragrance rendering her breathless, gripping the stolen revolver firmly she battled for composure as the haunting figure emerged from a shadowed doorway, already envisioning their blood joining the deluge when retribution was served.


Kill to Feel - Part One
From the Ashes - Part Three
Burn - Part Four

drown your vengeance,
Jaq xx


Playlist
Boy - Emma Louise
Dance Bear - Snakadaktal
I'm Into You - Chet Faker
Runaway - Mr Little Jeans
33 - Loon Lake

16 comments:

  1. engage capslock

    WHY CANT I FIND YOU ON TWITTER

    disengage capslock

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jaq is not on Twitter. ::sad face::

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    2. Afraid not, while the future may hold such a possibility, for now I feel more comfortable with a single abode :)

      Delete
  2. Beautiful! Full of imagery, lyrical. I really enjoyed reading this!!!

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  3. There is something about your stories that draws me right in! This was goooooood.....:)

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  4. You've built the tension very nicely in this piece.

    "...already envisioning their blood joining the deluge when retribution was served." Powerful imagery. Good job.

    You could probably edit the first paragraph of some of its adjectives. Your character is compelling enough to drive the story without quite so much description of the rain. I lost her a bit in there. Nice work though.

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    Replies
    1. I understand, I tend to overly flesh out the scene, especially when Im unsure of where its headed, and there are so many directions to take this in.

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  5. I really enjoyed this. Your words are beautiful, your description amazing! Well done! xx

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  6. This is magnificent. A brave soul, drowning in the elements even as her soul stands uneroded by circumstances. LOVE!!!

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  7. Gorgeous imagery, I could feel the rain and hear it crashing in my ears! Would love to know what happens next!

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  8. You need to be on Twitter so we can invite you to our Flash Me tribe!!!!

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  9. Crammed with images. Nicely done.

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  10. Rich with a multi-sensory appeal. Wonderful writing.

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  11. Beautiful, description-rich writing. Loved it.

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  12. Very vivid.
    I love the pics you find too

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