Sep 12, 2012

Heretic

Visual Dare




The shadowing veil of the heavens above rumbled their disquiet, withholding the reprieve of daylight.  The silent avenue lay obscured by a scattered mass, the distinct cut of a heel piercing the horizon, tangled shoelaces flung across the side walk.  Hayes frowned with bitter regret as he strode through the discarded footwear radiating from the town centre, gripping his briefcase tightly to control the frustration as he was confronted with his failure.  They had refused his message.  He kept his head bowed, avoiding the stares of condemnation as they watched his departure with an air of fervent triumph.

word count: 98


hello again,
Jaq xx

14 comments:

  1. I was trying to be the first on the linky. Guess u beat me to it haha
    Nice story! :)

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  2. You've managed to capture the disconsolation of the messenger who has just suffered the contempt of the residents. Would like to know what he was trying to tell them.

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  3. Wow! excellent feeling. If this was the opening chapter of a book you'd have a sale here. Great work!

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  4. I too was hooked from the beginning. Left me wanting more!

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  5. Every word choice was descriptive, making the reader really pause and understand the sadness and 'disquiet'. Very intriguing, Jaq!

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  6. Makes me wonder what his message was, that the citizens responded that way....and what consequences await those who refused to accept it. Intriguing, bitter, subtle and reflective. Well done!!

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  7. Like the others I'm intrigued wanting to know his message and why such condemnation! Love the descriptions!

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  8. I agree with the others, great work and very tense? Maybe he has an extreme foot fetish lol or maybe he was trying to spread the word that world is ending.

    Still a great read.

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  9. Such a desolate picture. Great use of the prompt! I want to know the message too. :)

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  10. I saw that image and immediately thought of war. Really moving.

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  11. Amazing picture. Glad I came across this blog.
    Mike

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  12. HI there, very intriguing little piece of writing ;-) I saw that you visited my blog, thank you! But what quote were you referring to? Making my Follow-Swap bloghop rounds. We'd love to have you join us for Thursday's Children (details on my blog A Nest of Words).

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  13. Thanks for the comment and visting my blog! i hope you liked it!
    Follower!

    http://thecrossbreeds.blogspot.com/

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  14. Wow what a beautiful blog and a stunning piece of prose. Really glad I dropped by!

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