Oct 4, 2012


Visual Dare #25

The sky was slow to alight with the wintry dawn, as though it were unwilling to confront the devastation in the harsh reality of day.  Cramped in the warped frame of an old truck, Madison watched the sallow sun rise against the ashen expanse, sure it promised death.  Coils of melancholy wrought her insides, her sight blind amidst the onslaught of images haunting her thoughts.  She waited in stillness, terrified to move the hands pressed tightly over her ears for fear that the bellow of erupting shells would still echo across the hills.

She barely stifled a scream when rough hands pulled at her, tears overflowing as she fell into his arms.

“Don’t ever-“ she began, overcome with distress over his absence.  Searching his face she pushed out of his firm hold, seeing the grief he was fighting to hide.  “No, Channer.  No-” choking back sobs Madison fell to her knees, the dried grass prickling her legs.

“I’m so sorry” he whispered, biting his lip as she cried out her anguish.

Word count: 161

heed your omens,
Jaq xx


  1. I can feel her fear, great visuals!

  2. Nice work. What on earth did he do?

  3. Wow. Lyrical phrasing, tense moment with so many unanswered questions - is there a pause in the war? What did he do during his absence? Sounds like a terrible situation just got a lot worse...! Poor Madison!!

  4. Such an intense moment. I really like this part "sun rise against the ashen expanse, sure it promised death."

  5. Great imagery. Well done. I look forward to reading where the story goes from here.

  6. Nice. Something so poetic about flash fiction. Using the minimum amount of words to convey a thought or image.
    Nice meeting you! Thanks for stopping by my blog. :)

  7. WOW, this is poetry. Love it.

  8. A powerful piece of writing, full of intrigue, especially with that last line, “I’m so sorry” he whispered, biting his lip as she cried out her anguish.
    What was he about to do?


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